Dreams
by Secrets-and-Smiles
Summary: An accident in the archives causes Ianto to reveal his innermost secrets. Mostly rated T but Chapter Three will be rated M. Spoilers for Seasons Two and Three later on in the story.
1. Chapter 1 of 12

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by the BBC**

Jack sighed, staring at all the paperwork he needed to work through. Ianto had been telling him for weeks that the pile will just grow, not go away, Jack still privately hoped for a miracle, either that or a shredder. After signing his name for what felt like the hundredth time that day, Jack took to watching his team. He smiled as he saw Gwen chattering away on the phone and Tosh manically typing away on her computer, happy in her own world of data and numbers. His gaze swept up as Myfanwy flew around the top of the hub and then went back down to see Owen muttering over an autopsy. Jack scanned the hub again and frowned, "where's Ianto?" he murmured. With a few clicks of the mouse Jack bought up the CCTV from the tourist office, Ianto wasn't there. Jack frowned surely Ianto couldn't still be in the archives, he'd been in there for hours! Jack bought up the CCTV and he froze for a second at what he saw on the screen. He tapped his comms, "Ianto…Ianto can you hear me?" There was no reply and Ianto's still form on the hard, concrete floor didn't move. Jack flew out of his seat, "Owen!" he yelled. A crash and a curse came from the med bay with Owen sticking his head out. "What?" Jack flew by him, "Ianto's collapsed in the archives!" Owen swore and grabbed a med kit, running after Jack.

The two men ran through the damp, winding tunnels, finally reaching Ianto and stopped in shock. What didn't shock them was that Ianto was lying on the floor, what shocked them was that he was curled up and…_snoring_. Owen laughed, "Jesus Jack what did you do to him last night to wear him out this much?" Jack bent down and shook Ianto's shoulder. "Yan? Yan?" Owen chipped in with an "Oi tea boy!" Jack frowned as Ianto started to whimper in his sleep, curling up tighter. "Owen…I can't wake him up!" said Jack frantically. It was then that they noticed the files on the floor, together with what looked like a tiny, flat portable screen. Owen gingerly picked up the technology and stashed it in his lab coat pocket. Jack and Owen then picked Ianto up and moved him into the hub.

Gwen and Tosh stared down at Ianto. "So he just can't wake up?" said Gwen. Jack nodded, after Tosh ascertained that the device was safe to touch, he was looking at it intently. Gwen flicked through the file and read, "Dream Catcher, an alien device that puts the user in a perpetual sleep thus dreaming and remembering. Sequence usually finishes within eight hours, however, victims with more disturbing dreams and memories can take longer, victim will wake once traumatic memories are dealt with and resolved." Gwen sighed, "how ambiguous is that? How can Ianto _deal_ with dreams?" "But at least we know it isn't going to hurt Ianto" said Tosh smiling, her smile faltered, "although he must have some bad memories." Jack started staring at the screen, but it was too small. "Tosh, could you hook this up to a bigger screen?" Tosh thought for a moment. "It shouldn't be a problem, why?" Jack grinned, "I know what it is… well I think I do. I think therapists use it in the future, you can see what bothers your patient and then help them deal with it, but I can't see what Ianto's dreaming, the screen is too small." Tosh got to work immediately, linking the small screen to the screen in the med bay. After several false starts, Tosh yelled, "I think its working!" Everyone stared at the screen as a swirl of colours appeared. "Looks like he's not dreaming anything at the moment" said Jack. Tosh looked thoughtful and said "that's probably a good thing, do you think we should really be watching his dreams and memories…isn't it a bit personal…?" Her argument fell silent as Ianto began to whimper and move again and the swirling colours on the screen moved into focus.


	2. Chapter 2 of 12

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by the BBC**

**Author Note: Warning there is a brief use of swearing at the end of this chapter which may push it up to M rating, I'm not sure. Hope you  
enjoy and please review. **

Chapter Two

The team stood in shock, if she had to describe what she could see, Gwen would simply reply, "Hell." It was odd really, they could clearly see Ianto's memories, but it wasn't from his point of view, the team could _see _him as if they were in the room watching. There were flames everywhere, debris and walls collapsing in on themselves, with screams of panic and fear permeating the air. "Canary Wharf" whispered Jack.

Suddenly Ianto came in to the picture, fighting his way through the smoke he was calling Lisa's name. "Help me!" someone cried, a woman, but not Lisa, Jack watched as blood dripped from Ianto's hands as he dug out a woman from underneath twisted bits of metal and brick. "It's okay, it's okay" Ianto soothed. "I'll get you out of here." Ianto picked the woman up gently and ran to the archives, he found a few people milling around standing in shock and defeat. Owen watched in awe of the young boy as he barked orders out to follow him, fear clearly etched in their faces, whilst determination was in his.

Soon he had a small crowd and led them through the maze of archives to a small office. The sounds of screaming sounded muffled as if they were miles away. Ianto lay the woman down gently. "Everyone listen to me!" Ianto's voice was quiet and controlled; the survivors latched their attention on him, needing someone to tell them what to do. "We are deep underground, the fire won't reach you, I need you to stay here, safe. The building won't collapse on you, the walls are reinforced, but I need you to keep quiet, the Cybermen and Daleks haven't come down here yet but it doesn't mean that they won't. Whoever isn't injured help the injured, there are blankets in the cupboard at the back for those that are in shock. Raid the fridge for bottles of water to clean wounds."

The injured woman spoke, "Ianto? Why aren't you staying? Where are you going?" Ianto looked down at her, "I need to find Lisa" he said simply. Tosh's heart broke a little then, the bravery, love and dedication of Ianto risking his life; she looked sadly down at him, knowing how his rescue of Lisa would end.

The injured woman was speaking again and Tosh carried on watching and listening. "Ianto, Lisa was on tenth wasn't she? Ianto I'm sorry but tenth were rounded up to be converted. Ianto you must stay here and be safe!" Jack recognised that determined look on his lover's face. Ianto opened the door and said, "I can't leave her. For gods sake be quiet. I will come back for you." Faces looked at Ianto in hope, awe and fear and Ianto quickly walked away.

Ianto whimpered again, face screwed up in agitation and fear as the colours quickly swirled around again, showing Ianto running up a stair case, into a Cyberman. Tosh's heart leapt to her throat as the fear spread across Ianto's face. The cold, metallic voice rang out, "you will be deleted." Jack watched in fear, how did Ianto get out of this? Then Ianto did that one thing that Jack loved most, he cocked an eyebrow and said, "what am I not worth an upgrade?" Owen smiled slightly and his eyes widened as quick as a flash Ianto's hands whipped out what looked like an alien weapon from underneath his suit jacked and blasted the Cyberman's head off. "I am so sorry" whispered Ianto as the Cyberman fell to its knees.

Ianto took off at a run again, finding the conversion rooms. The team shivered in horror, Tosh was convinced that she could taste the blood in the air. "Lisa!" Ianto's voice croaked, his shouting finally getting the better of him, the thick smoke clogging his lungs and throat. Tosh closed her eyes as she could see the bodies, brains ripped out of them, some partially converted. "Jack, why did Lisa have the metal _on_ her…?" She whispered. Jack put an arm round her, "the Cybermen were losing to the Daleks, so they just started encasing people in metal rather than fully converting them, it was quicker…" he whispered back.

Jack couldn't take his eyes off the screen as he watched Ianto's heart break. Everybody took in a deep breath; they weren't prepared to see how all of Ianto's bravery, hopes and dreams crashed in his face as he saw a silent Lisa, half hanging off the conversion unit. "Lisa?" Ianto whispered, taking a step towards her. "No…no this wasn't supposed to happen!" he cried.

Jack's attention shifted momentarily to Ianto in his sleeping state. As he turned back to the screen he saw that the image had changed. Ianto was lying in a bed, it wasn't his Jack knew, as these walls were yellow whilst at home Ianto's were cream. The duvet was pushed up over the two people lying in bed and Jack could see Ianto and Lisa, laughing and smiling, lying on their sides, looking at each other. Ianto held Lisa's left hand in his own, staring at it as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world. "What is up with you?" Lisa laughed. The team felt uncomfortable, this was clearly an intimate moment and it was easier thinking of Lisa as a Cyberman rather than a person that they had killed.

"Lisa." Said Ianto, Jack closed his eyes, he knew what this was. Ianto shuffled a bit under the covers, freeing his other arm. "I don't know if this is romantic enough, but…but I love you and I was just wondering if…if perhaps…you'd like to marry me?" Ianto looked so nervous as he produced a beautiful diamond ring. Lisa's face split into a beaming smile as she shrieked "yes!" throwing herself on top of Ianto, kissing him over and over again. The rest of the team smiled, this was a nice memory, but quickly it faded away. Ianto was holding Lisa's broken body, sobbing until he jerked back in fright. Lisa wasn't dead.

Everybody jumped as Ianto's sleeping form began sobbing, whimpering loudly as the colours swirled into another image. This time it was a mixture of memories and dreams. Lisa was in the hub and had just killed Jack. Ianto was staring at Lisa, his heart breaking, begging her to stop, but then Lisa threw him across the hub. The team watched as Jack came back to life and crept over to Ianto, holding him and kissing him. "You call that mouth to mouth?" Said Owen incredulously. "It worked didn't it?" Jack murmured.

But that is where the memory ended and the nightmare began. Ianto's sobs increased and Jack ran his hands through Ianto's hair, trying to soothe him. The image had changed now and Annie, the pizza girl, was staring at Ianto through dead eyes. "I trusted you." She whispered, "and you killed me!" she screamed. Ianto was down on his knees sobbing, staring at the blood running off his hands. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He sobbed. "It's all your fault Ianto. I blame you; you're the one that killed me!"

Annie was soon joined by Lisa, half encased in metal. "So much pain" she said. "Why did you put me in so much pain? Why did you let them kill me? I thought you loved me?" Lisa's metallic form, changed to her before she was converted, a cruel sneer on her face. "But you didn't love me, did you Ianto? How could you of, now that you're sleeping with _him_!" Gwen briefly glanced at Jack, who had stopped running his hands through Ianto's hair, frozen in shock. "I'm sorry Lisa" Ianto sobbed, the blood still running through his hands. "I do…did…I do love you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

Gwen's voice then filled the room as she joined Lisa, "he couldn't have loved you that much Lisa, he was too _weak_ to save you" she spat. Owen then joined in, "Of course he's too weak, too pathetic, he's just the fucking tea boy. Couldn't even save the woman he loved." The real Owen winced at these words. Then Tosh appeared shaking her head, "so weak, so idiotic, such a _failure_." Her voice took on a metallic tone, "we could've been converted!"

The group were crowding him now, attacking him, the room spinning and then Jack appeared. "Jack" gasped Ianto, "Jack please help me." Jack just stared down at Ianto, arms folded across his chest, he narrowed his eyes saying, "such a disappointment." Owen's attention left the screen as Ianto's sobs reached a higher pitch; his gaze flickered to the screen as he could see Ianto washing his blood red hands over and over again, the blood refusing to come off. "Shit" Owen swore, "Jack hold his arms down." Ianto was acting out his dream, scraping at his hands with his nails, wringing them like Lady Macbeth, making them bleed.


	3. Chapter 3 of 12

**Author Notes: Firstly, I would like to say thank you for the great reviews I have been receiving so far. **

**Secondly, this chapter is M rated - I thought that as this is the only chapter out of twelve that is a bit raunchy I would rate it as a T overall but please be warned this is an M rated chapter and may be unsuitable for some due to mentions of M/M sex. **

Chapter Three

"Jack." Said Tosh, "you said therapists use this right? How do they get their patients out of these bad dreams, do they talk to them?" Jack was tying Ianto's wrists down, whilst Owen bandaged his hands. "I don't know Tosh, it could be worth a try but what do I say?"

The catch in Jack's voice showed that he was scared and Tosh thought that she could see the beginnings of tears in his eyes. She placed a hand on his arm and drew up a chair for Jack, "just talk to him, he might hear you." Jack stroked Ianto's face and leant down to his ear, "Ianto, Ianto can you hear me? It's Jack, the Cybermen and Daleks have gone now, you…" Jack's voice broke and he swallowed thickly, "you don't have to be afraid, you saved those people in the archives. Ianto, sweetheart… please don't be afraid, you're not a disappointment, we all care about you, we don't hate you, we love you."

Jack lost in his whispering, had to be shook by Owen, "er…Jack, I think he can hear you." Jack looked up, "why?...he stared at the screen, "ah."

Tosh blushed as the colours morphed into another memory. Ianto unlocking the door to his flat and within seconds Jack had Ianto pinned up against the wall, kissing him, licking the shell of his ear, fluttering kisses along Ianto's jaw line and finally meeting Ianto's mouth in a heated kiss.

Fingers pulled at buttons and pushed at shirts as the pair stripped each other, whilst making their way to Ianto's bedroom. Owen couldn't tear his eyes away, Tosh blushed, Jack just grinned and Gwen muttered something about making coffee.

Ianto pushed Jack onto the bed, straddling him, nipping and licking Jack's skin. Delicious moans filled the room as Ianto took Jack into his mouth; Owen groaned inwardly, how long was this going to last? Ianto stopped sucking and loomed over Jack smirking, "oh god Ianto…don't stop" Jack watched himself bucking his hips. Ianto placed his hands on the pillow, either side of Jack's head and smirked, "what do you want…sir?" Owen's eyebrows shot to the top of his head, who knew that Ianto could be such a tease? Jack was still gasping as Ianto began to kiss his neck, "I want you now…in me…for gods sake Ianto don't tease please."

Jack smiled inwardly, he knew Ianto was good but he didn't realise _how_ good. Soon the pair had a rhythmic thrust going, and Tosh had worked out how to lower the sound.

"Hmm…" Said Owen.

"What?" Said Jack.

"I dunno, I just never expected Ianto to…you know…top."

Gwen was walking into the med bay with cups of coffee, passing them to Tosh and Owen. "I know," Jack smiled ruefully, "he's going to be so embarrassed when he knows that you've seen this, and this isn't even the best of it, it's quite mundane for us actually." Owen choked on his coffee, Jack grinned, "and as for him topping as you put it, yeah although I suppose this memory isn't exactly doing much for my 'I-have-to-be-the-boss' status."

Gwen leant over Ianto to pass Jack his mug, "I wouldn't say that it affects that…sir" Tosh rolled her eyes, why on earth was Gwen trying to flirt with Jack now? Jack was startled, he suddenly realised that he didn't like being called sir, unless it was by Ianto. Ianto clearly wasn't impressed either.


	4. Chapter 4 of 12

Chapter Four

**Author Notes: Thank you for all the positive reviews, I hope you enjoy this.  
**

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by the BBC**

_Previously_

"…_I suppose this memory isn't exactly doing much for my 'I-have-to-be-the-boss' status." Gwen leant over Ianto to pass Jack his mug, "I wouldn't say that it affects that…sir" Tosh rolled her eyes, why on earth was Gwen trying to flirt with Jack now? Jack was startled, he suddenly realised that he didn't like being called sir, unless it was by Ianto. Ianto clearly wasn't impressed either. _

The next memory was of Gwen and Ianto alone in the hub, Ianto was clearing up and Gwen stood there watching him. "Ianto, what kind of relationship did you have with Jack?" Ianto looked up startled, almost dropping the paperwork he was holding. "What do you mean?" he said, slowly and carefully.

"Well before Jack…left…he kissed you so I was just wondering…"

Jack recognised Ianto's mask quickly, "you know Jack, always pushing boundaries, he was probably just adding to the harassment joke…" Jack could see the pain in Ianto's eyes as he lied.

Gwen shook her head, hands on her hips, "I think you're lying"

Ianto looked at her sharply. "Why?"

"Since I'm in charge, I thought I'd take a look around and I found where Jack sleeps." Ianto's mask was perfect, he didn't react at all. Gwen took something out of her bag, "and I found this."

It was one of Ianto's ties. Ianto stepped forward, "ah, thanks I've been looking for that, I took it off before…not very comfy after an eighteen hour day…Jack must've picked it up for me and forgotten to tell me."

Gwen raised an eyebrow, "I've also checked computer records and there seems to have been a large amount of CCTV footage deleted over the last couple of months…" Ianto kept looking blank, "unless of course you're hiding another girlfriend down in the vaults."

Everybody looked at Gwen in shock; she stood staring at her feet.

"That's way out of line Gwen, I don't need to hear this from you, and I don't know why you're nagging me. Jack isn't here so we need to work together to get through this, when he gets back…"

"If…if he gets back" interrupted Gwen.

"He will be back"

Gwen snorted "why will he come back for you? He left you didn't he? I mean he left all of us but it must hurt that little bit more for you."

Ianto looked at Gwen and sighed, "for the last time Gwen there is nothing between me and Jack will you just let it go? Why don't you go home to Rhys?"

Gwen snarled, "stop lying to me. I know something is going on, you're acting too perfect, you never leave the hub but you barely look upset, you can't be that dead inside that you don't care that he's not here!"

Something inside Ianto snapped, "why do you care eh? You think you're flirting is subtle, well it isn't. If it bothers you that much _when_ he gets back talk to him about it, I might like to add though, that you recently became engaged."

Gwen stood there, not budging, "I just need to know what's going on between you, so it's not awkward if things…change when Jack gets back"

The tension in the hub was unreal as Jack, Owen and Tosh watched an ugly side of Gwen that they didn't know that she had. Suddenly the memory changed to a dream, one of Ianto opening the door to Jack's office with a cup of coffee. The cup slides out of his hands and smashes on the floor as Ianto sees Jack and Gwen writhing naked on top of Jack's desk. They both stop for a second, looking at him and then just laughed at Ianto. Jack noticed in disgust that Gwen looked at this dream with a slight smile on her face.

Quickly the dream faded back into the memory of Gwen wanting to know about Jack. "Well, what is it? Tell me!" The memory was overlapped by another.

Ianto and Martha were discussing how to get into the Pharm, until Martha changed the discussion. "So Jack asked me if I'd be able to get you an UNIT cap" Ianto blushed and stuttered, "Did he?"

The conversation was missed for a second as Owen murmured, "you're a sick man Harkness." Jack kept watching as Martha asked if they were together. Ianto paused, clearly not knowing what to say, "we…dabble"

Gwen snorted and everyone glared at her. "Really?" Martha replied, "so what's his dabbling like?" Jack grinned widely as Ianto replied with "innovative", this time it seemed that Owen choked on air alone. Martha seemed flustered as Ianto said, "bordering on the avant-garde".

The memory of Gwen came back as Ianto tiredly said, "what's the difference Gwen? Like you said he's left…"

Gwen sneered at Ianto, "well let me tell you this now, whilst I'm boss you don't get to shag your way into the good books. Now I want you to do all these reports before Owen and Tosh get in" she checked her watch, "so in three hours".

Ianto protested, "Gwen I haven't slept in over thirty hours, can I not do these tomorrow?" Gwen scowled at him, "no Ianto, now you have to work hard, not shag your way to the top."


	5. Chapter 5 of 12

**Author Notes: Again, thank you so much for all the positive reviews and constructive criticism its much appreciates. **

**Discliamer: Torchwood belongs to the BBC. This chapter has slight spoilers for Series One.**

Chapter Five

The memory faded into colours again and Jack glared at Gwen. "When this is over, we're having words" his voice was cold and angry. Gwen just kept staring at the ground and slowly moved up and out of the autopsy bay.

"Jack?" Tosh questioned, "the…you and Gwen on the…" Jack interrupted with a short pained smile, "just a dream Tosh, not a memory." Tosh smiled back, concern clearly etched in her face.

Jack kept stroking Ianto's hair, looking down at him. "I'm so sorry Ianto" he whispered, "I shouldn't have left you alone." Tears fell down his face. "I thought that you would be okay, I thought someone would look after you." The colours swirled again.

A knock on the door disturbed Ianto, who was lying on his sofa, clutching wet, bedraggled tissues. He ignored the door. "Ianto?" Jack looked up as he heard Owen's voice, Owen blushed slightly as he realised what this memory was.

Ianto got up slowly, every movement tired and scrubbed his tear stained face with one hand whilst opening the door. Owen stood there for a second and then pushed his way through, "you look like shit mate." Ianto sighed, closing the door, "thanks Owen, do come in." Jack smiled slightly at Ianto's sarcasm.

Owen flung himself down on the sofa and patted the seat next to him. "Sit" he instructed. Ianto sat down heavily, looking at Owen. "Talk", Ianto looked over at Owen unsure what he was saying. "Actually stop, have you got any beers?" Ianto nodded slowly and Owen got up, went into the kitchen and brought back a couple. He opened his, sat down and took a sip, indicating that Ianto should do the same. "Trust me, it'll make this easier."

Ianto looked at him confused, "Owen…?" Owen interrupted, "do you think I'm daft?" Ianto raised an eyebrow, "I know about you and Jack." The mask immediately fell into place, Jack winced at how easy it was for Ianto to do it and that it always seemed to happen when Jack was the topic of conversation. "I have no idea what you mean."

Owen counted off his fingers, "one, he constantly flirts with you, two, he trusts you implicitly, three, you guys go weevil hunting way too much, four, one day, shockingly, you wore the same suit two days in a row and at the same time Jack was on decaf, presumably for keeping you from going home to get changed, five, you do that romantic cringe worthy knowing looks thing to each other _all_ the time and six." At this point Owen cleared his throat, "I caught you." Ianto immediately flushed, "what do you mean?" Owen rubbed his face and sighed, "one night, I'd left my phone at the hub, so I came back on the invisible lift, I didn't want the alarms to go off and disturb Jack. As I came down, you and Jack were having sex…in _my_ chair no less."

Ianto didn't say anything but he was bright red in embarrassment. "I'm sorry" he whispered. Owen shrugged drinking out of the bottle again, "its okay I swapped chairs with Tosh." At this point Tosh just looked at Owen who avoided her gaze. "So how long for?"

Ianto stared at the bottle in his hands, opened it, took a swig and said, "since cannibals… well kind of… it started properly after Suzie came back"

"Bloody hell, you kept that one quiet." Ianto smiled ruefully and drank again. "So how you holding up?"

Ianto looked at Owen and said, "fine, honestly it wasn't serious or anything…"

Owen snorted, "don't bullshit me." Ianto didn't say anything.

"You know why you look like shit? You're not taking care of yourself. When was the last time you came back here eh? By my count, four days ago, you keep working at the hub in case he comes back right?"

Ianto continued looking into his bottle. "I can't tell you the last time I saw you eat Ianto, and you're obviously not sleeping." Jack looked at Owen, who was staring uncomfortably at the screen. No one saw this kind side of Owen, although they all knew that he had it.

"Owen, I'm fine just tired that's all. Thank you but there's no need to worry."

Owen changed the subject quickly, "I'm starved, fancy pizza?"

Ianto shook his head, "but you get some, the leaflets are in the kitchen, second draw on the left." Owen got up, making sure he put his beer bottle on a coaster, Ianto smiled slightly.

"Ianto!" Owen called, "do you…do you organise your take out leaflets?" Jack laughed quietly whilst Owen muttered, "such a neat freak."

After a few minutes, Owen sat back down. "I ordered you a vegetarian; I know you've been a bit funny about meat since…"

Ianto said, "Owen I'm not hungry."

Owen held Ianto by the shoulders, forcing him to look at him. "When was the last time you ate?"

Ianto opened his mouth and looked startled at the fact that he couldn't remember, he then smiled, "when we had breakfast together see I told you I'm fine."

Owen gasped, "Ianto…that was two days ago, and you had a slice of toast!"

Ianto visibly blanched, "days just blend into one…" he muttered, trying not to look at Owen. Jack felt his heart break a little. He had noticed that Ianto had lost weight; he'd just assumed that it was from the extra work he'd taken on after he'd left.

Owen and Ianto sat in an uncomfortable silence, Owen broke it, "do you want to know what I think? I think you control your eating because you can't control anything else. Let me have a look?" Ianto looked at him, "you're not doing yourself any good Ianto, let me see."

Ianto looked uncomfortable as Owen pulled up his shirt, the room gasped as they could see Ianto's ribs beginning to stand out. "Oh Ianto" murmured Owen. He was interrupted by the door bell ringing.

Ianto felt a pizza box being pushed onto his lap; Owen looked caring, "just eat a little, please?"

Ianto's eyes filled with tears, "I can't" he whispered.

Owen dropped to his knees and held Ianto's head "don't let him get to you like this."

Tears trickled down Ianto's face as he whispered, "I wasn't good enough"

Owen wiped away the tears with his thumb, "what do you mean?"

Ianto mumbled, "if I was good enough he would've stayed." Jack felt the tears run down his face as he gingerly held one of Ianto's bandaged hands.

Owen sat back on the sofa and drew Ianto into his arms, "I realised he probably hadn't been touched in a while" whispered Owen, still staring at the screen. Ianto was stiff at first but then melted into the hug, trying to hold in his tears.

Owen sighed heavily and said, "the man's a fool you know? You'd think living forever would teach you something, I suppose eventually he'll learn. Its not a question of you not being good enough, it's a question of Jack not thinking. He doesn't deserve you, you know?"

Ianto shook his head, "I'm just being stupid" he whispered pulling up out of the hug.

"No you're not" Owen held onto him, and then surprising everybody, he kissed Ianto on the forehead; he held Ianto's face between his hands and looked at him. "You're not being stupid at all. You were left Ianto you shouldn't blame yourself, you should be pissed at him if anything, but you won't be, which is why he doesn't deserve you."

Ianto stared down at the floor, Owen opened up his pizza box, "please, just one slice?" Ianto took a deep breath and picked up the smallest one in the box and nibbled on the end.

"You need to eat better, you'll do yourself harm."

"I know" mumbled Ianto.

"If you don't do it, you know I'll have to start being your doctor rather than your friend right?"

Ianto smiled slightly, "I know."

"Anyway, think about it, when Jack gets back you don't want him to know he got to you right? You want him to look you up and down and want you then and there" Ianto laughed softly and took a larger bite of his pizza.

"If he gets back…Gwen's convinced that he won't"

Owen snorted, "who gives a shit what she thinks."

"Owen!" Gwen's voice rang out in the hub; no one had noticed that she was back.

Owen stood his ground, "you have no right to be pissed, you worked him into the ground over jealousy, you could tell that he was ill." Gwen said nothing and everyone stared at the screen again.

"_When_ he comes back you make him work for you, don't just give in right?"

Ianto smiled "Okay"

"Stick him on decaf, you know that upsets him" Owen grinned.

"No sex and on decaf? I don't want him running away again" Ianto chuckled and the men sat comfortably laughing and eating.

The memory faded away, Jack looked up at Owen, "thank you" he said hoarsely.

Owen looked embarrassed "I went round for him, he's a good guy, he needed someone to look out for him", this last part was obviously aimed at Gwen.


	6. Chapter 6 of 12

**Author Notes : A massive thank you to all your reviews it has been great reading them all. Just a short chapter today I'm afraid but I will be  
hopefully posting two chapters tomorrow that run on from one another. I hope you enjoy and please review. **

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by the BBC. Slight spoilers for Countrycide. **

Chapter Six

The colours had been swirling around now for a while, Ianto was obviously not dreaming and Tosh, Owen and Jack were being careful at what was being said around him, worrying that another memory or dream would be triggered. They had removed the restraints as Ianto seemed calm, curled up snoring softly.

Owen's stomach growled and the team were surprised at the time, they had been too engrossed in watching Ianto's dreams to notice time slipping by. "I'm going to order pizza; do you guys want the usual?" Jack nodded slightly, tears glistening because he and Ianto usually shared, Tosh ummed in agreement.

Gwen's mind quickly switched into gear, she was angry at Ianto he must've dragged up that memory on purpose, so she decided to get her own back, she could pass it off as a mistake, or trying to get Ianto to face his demons. She raised her voice, "Owen? I'll have the meat feast." Tosh knew immediately what she had done; in all the time that they worked together Gwen had a Hawaiian pizza, never a meat feast.

The colours swirled violently, "for gods sake Gwen!" Cried Owen, as Ianto's pulse raced, his body shaking. They watched the screen and saw Ianto's hand reaching for the fridge, opening it to reveal the true extent of his and Tosh's captors.

Jack reacted quickly; the dreams were obviously triggered by what Ianto could hear, so without thinking he laid down on the autopsy table, holding Ianto by the waist, curling up around him whilst whispering in his ear. Just as Tosh was running away and Ianto was being beaten again, the memory just morphed back into the colours.

Tosh and Owen looked at Ianto in surprise and saw Ianto snuggling into Jack, Jack running one of his hands through his hair, the other round his waist, muttering to him. Ianto's pulse fell back down to normal and Jack smiled as he successfully got rid of the memory.

Owen glared at Gwen, "go home Gwen" Gwen acted shocked, "I didn't mean anything by it, it was a mistake!"

Tosh rolled her eyes, "yeah sure it was Gwen."

"Well it was, and anyway he needs to face his dreams so surely it was a good thing for him to do that."

Owen looked at Jack unsure what to do, by now Jack had moved so that he was sitting up with Ianto's head on his chest, holding on to him. "Leave it for now."

Owen adjusted the table to bring it up and make it more comfortable, "you might be there for a while" he whispered, Jack nodded and looked back down at Ianto.


	7. Chapter 7 of 12

**Author Notes: Wow thank you for so many reviews I've reached fifty now and that is amazing! I'm quite nervous about these two chapters but like some of my reviews have said, all of Ianto's bad memories wouldn't necessarily be Torchwood and as its a therapy device I thought it should be quite a bad experience that is revealed to the team. I hope you enjoy it. Please review. **

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by the BBC. **

Chapter Seven

Another hour passed and no more dreams, Gwen was getting impatient, it had been twelve hours. "What else can he have to deal with?" she asked, the colours began to swirl again, "you just had to ask didn't you?" Owen hissed.

"Well if he was having therapy they would, I'm doing him a favour!"

Owen laughed, "that would be a first."

They began to shout at each other until Jack yelled "stop it!" They looked at the screen, there was a woman and a man shouting, no Owen realised, screaming at each other. The team realised that these must be Ianto's parents, Ianto's build was from his father, but he had his mother's eyes and hair colour.

The team could see Ianto as a child, a small girl next to him, hiding behind a door whilst watching their parents shout. Ianto's father was clearly drunk, whilst his mother was begging him to stop, that the children were upstairs. Ianto's dad started to beat his mother, a strangled gasp came from the girl next to him. Heavy footsteps reached the door and his father's face, angry and red reached round and grabbed the girl by her arm. "I'll teach you for spying! You won't turn out like your mother!" The girl squirmed, trying to get out of the iron grip on her arm, "please Ifan, not Rhiannon, leave her be!" begged his mother, a bloody, broken mess on the floor.

Ianto stepped out, "leave them alone!" his childlike voice sounded pathetic but everyone was amazed at his bravery. "What are you going to do eh Ianto? You're a disappointment, nothing but a disappointment, maybe I should teach you a lesson too."

Ianto's small frame shook with fear as his dad dropped Rhiannon and advanced, "just leave them alone" he whispered.

Ifan laughed manically, "fine if you want to save them." He grabbed Ianto's arm, nearly ripping it out its socket and began to beat the boy senseless. Jack couldn't control the tears as he saw Ianto being beaten within an inch of his life, his heart constricting painfully as he saw that oh so familiar mask slip onto the child's face. Ianto didn't make a sound, all the team could hear were his sister and mother's sobs. The memory ended with Ianto being locked in a dark cupboard, broken, weak and covered in blood. It wasn't until Ifan's footsteps could no longer be heard that Ianto broke down into tears.

The team looked at each other in shock, Owen and Jack glanced at each other and an understanding passed between them. Ianto had scars on his back, faded now, but if you looked carefully you could see the lines crisscrossing. Ianto always maintained during check ups or when he and Jack first had sex that he was swept up into some rocks whilst on a family holiday, the men now knew that they were marks from a belt.


	8. Chapter 8 of 12

**Author Notes: This is where my warnings about spoilers for series three come in, nothing major though I just borrowed a little of the  
dialogue. I hope you enjoy. **

Chapter Eight

"I thought Ianto was proud of his dad" whispered Gwen, tears in her eyes. Owen refused to look at her and just replied, "when children suffer abuse they make up stories to try and deal with the pain, they often see the abuse as their fault so paint the parents in a good light, when they grow up its just easier to pretend than deal with the memories."

Tosh had tears sliding down her cheeks, "he's always protecting everyone" she said, placing a hand on his arm. "He's never mentioned having a sister before" she continued.

Jack nodded "I don't know a lot about her, they don't see each other often, I only know that she exists 'cause there's photos of her and her kids in his flat."

Owen nodded again, "that makes sense. If Ianto spent most of his childhood protecting her, they would distance themselves from each other, I image when they see each other the memories are just too much to handle."

Jack sighed softly, into Ianto's hair, "why didn't you tell me?" he murmured.

Owen placed a hand on Jack's shoulder, "don't take it personally, I think Ianto just sees it as the past, not part of his life anymore."

Jack looked down at Ianto, "it's a shame that he's lost that bond with Rhiannon, he barely mentions her, I practically force him to take a day off to see her, now I see why."

The colours swirled again, this time it was Ianto as they knew him, but dressed casually, not in his usual suit. He took a deep breath and rang a doorbell, "Uncle Ianto!" cried a little boy and a little girl opening the door and jumping up at him. The team saw as Ianto's whole face relax as he picked both the children up, sitting them on a hip each and squeezing through the door. He put them down carefully and they ran into the next room and joined his sister in the kitchen.

"Ianto!" she cried giving him a hug, "this is a surprise."

Ianto sat down at the kitchen table, "I had a rare day off so I thought that I'd come and visit, if that's okay?" Rhiannon smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Of course it is; cuppa?"

Ianto frowned, "Rhia what's wrong?"

Rhiannon's hands trembled, "how do you do that?" she whispered.

Ianto got up, stood behind her and hugged her as she broke down. "Johnny's left, pissed off with some skank down the road, taken every penny we had, what do I tell the kids Ianto?"

Ianto gently steered her away from the counter and sat her down. He then set about to make her a cup of tea, his nose wrinkling at the jar of instant coffee in the cupboard, which raised a smile out of the team watching him.

Rhiannon took a sip, "ooh you know how to make a brew" she said, "always makes it better."

Ianto smiled and then said, "do you need to talk?"

Rhiannon smiled and touched his hand, "you don't always have to protect me you know."

They both froze for a second, knowing the double meaning of those words and were glad when the silence was interrupted by the little girl running in.

"Mica what have I told you about running in the house?" Rhiannon scolded,

"sorry mam" said Mica, not looking sorry at all. "But can I get Myfanwy now? The dryer has finished."

The team looked bemused as Ianto asked, "how come Myfanwy's in the dryer?"

Rhiannon huffed, "well seeing as the blessed thing is from her favourite uncle she refuses to put it down. It was filthy! So when she went bed last night I sneaked it out of her room and stuck her in the wash."

Mica scowled, "that wasn't nice mummy."

Ianto laughed, "I'm sure she didn't mind" he smiled, as Mica crawled up onto his lap. The team smiled fondly, this was Ianto relaxed, so different from how he is at work. Jack realised that Ianto was good with children; he could be a wonderful dad. The team laughed as Rhiannon came in brandishing a purple stuffed pterodactyl at Mica, "happy now?" she smiled.

Mica squealed and hugged the teddy. "You know what Myfanwy eats?" Ianto asked, Mica grinned and shouted "chocolate!" Ianto reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out two bars of chocolate and gave them to Mica, "give one to David" he said as she planted a wet kiss on his cheek.

The memory seemed to skip along a bit as Rhiannon and Ianto were surrounded by letters, bills and calculators. "There's no way I can pay for all this with my job" Rhiannon sighed, "and getting money out of Johnny is like getting blood out of a stone." Ianto continued writing sums, frowning for a minute and then grinning.

"It can be done" he said, Rhiannon raised an eyebrow just as Ianto does, "oh yeah I just need to magically find the best part of a grand every month. Lets face it; I'm going to have to give up the house."

Ianto shook his head, "no Rhia listen, I'll give it to you."

Rhiannon gasped, "no I can't Ianto, its too much, thank you but no."

Ianto grabbed her hand, "Rhiannon I can afford it."

"How?" she asked, "you work in a tourism office".

Ianto sighed and said, "its better paid than it looks and I have savings, there's only me to spend the money on and I don't need much, let me help you please."

Tears sprang out of Rhiannon's eyes, "I can't pay you back" she whispered, Ianto pulled her into a hug, "you daft mare I don't want it back."

Tosh had tears in her eyes; Ianto was always the hero in whatever form whether helping out his sister financially, saving her from the cannibals or making that cup of coffee just when they need it. She looked up at the screen to see Ianto making more tea, Rhiannon sipped hers thoughtfully. "You know when you say there's no one to spend your money on?"

Ianto rubbed his face, "Rhia no, thank you but no I do not need you to set me up again."

Rhiannon held back a smile, "why? What was wrong with Johnny's sister?"

Ianto stared at her incredulously, "Rhia she practically had a moustache! Seriously I suspect under her clothes she has more body hair than me." Owen snorted in laughter.

Rhiannon stared into her cup, "so there's no one then?"

Ianto flushed and shrugged, "I'm happy Rhia don't worry."

Rhiannon stared at him, "so you're sure there's nobody?"

Jack saw Ianto frown slightly and then sighed, "what is it?" he asked.

Rhiannon looked at Ianto and took in a deep breath, "Susan on the corner… was out in town… and it was their anniversary, so they went to that posh French place…in town, by the memorial… and there was you"

Ianto looked confused, "So?" he elongated the word, Rhiannon leaned forward, her tone heavy with the promise of gossip.

"There was you…having dinner… with a man" Jack looked up in surprise; Ianto had never mentioned that Rhiannon knew about them.

Ianto slowly exhaled, "so?" he repeated.

Rhiannon looked away, "having dinner with a man… in a restaurant"

"So you have dinner with Tina" Jack smiled at Ianto's quick retort.

Rhiannon huffed, "Not in town, Susan said that he was gorgeous…" Owen swore that Jack's chest puffed out a little, "like a film star…" Jack was positively beaming, "like an escort..." Ianto's eyebrows shot up and Owen laughed.

Ianto sighed, "he's my boss" Gwen watched curiously.

Rhiannon picked up her mug again, "she said it was intimate… I said well he's had girlfriends and she said, well no girl was getting her feet around that table, no chance" Tosh thought it was cute how red Ianto was getting.

"Have you gone bender?"

Collectively the teams eyebrows raised up in surprise as Ianto looked shocked, "Mica's hearing this" he said, indicating that Mica could hear them from the living room, Rhiannon waved it away, "She's not bothered, her friend Sian has two mothers." She looked at Ianto expectantly, Ianto said nothing.

"Go on", Ianto was looking anywhere but at her. Rhiannon sighed, "You never tell me anything these days, dad died you were off, couldn't wait…like I did something wrong, I didn't...did I?"

Ianto looked pained for a second, "it's not that, it's my job, it's difficult, it's…" he stopped speaking, closed his eyes, took in a deep breath, "he is very handsome." Owen sneaked a look at Jack, expecting a reaction but he was just staring at the screen.

"No!" Rhiannon exclaimed, as if this was the biggest bit of gossip she had ever heard.

"Now stop it" replied Ianto firmly.

"You're kidding me, really though?...Really? Christ Almighty!" Rhiannon exclaimed shocked, but happily so. She thought for a second, "he's nice though, is he? Is he, oh my g-I mean since when?"

Rhiannon's over the top attitude didn't rub off on Ianto, he looked thoughtful. "Its weird" Ianto finally looked at her, "it's just different its not...men...it's just him...it's only him...and I don't even know what it really is really...so I'm not broadcasting it"

Jack's heart broke a little, overfilling with strong feelings for the man in his arms. The memory faded out, with Rhiannon's assurances, "oh… oh no honest I won't say, if you want it kept quiet, I won't say anything I promise." The team snorted in laughter when Rhiannon's voice faded away with, "so Johnny's sister having a moustache wasn't really the problem then was it?"


	9. Chapter 9 of 12

**Author Note: Thank you so much for all the reviews. This is a bit of a short chapter but please bear with me as it will all come together soon.**

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by the BBC**

Chapter Nine

The team sat there silently, not knowing what to say to Jack. Gwen felt angry and jealous, but there was also a hint of guilt there. Ianto seemed so unsure, so afraid of admitting that he loved Jack, 'have I done that to him?' she thought. Jack sat there stunned, he didn't realise how unsure Ianto was about their relationship, he thought Ianto knew how much he cares about him…Jack gulped, how much he loves him.

The silence was disturbed by a phone ringing, Gwen answered, "Jack its UNIT." Jack sighed; he slowly slid off the bed, gently laying Ianto down. Jack took the call and watched Ianto sleeping, he wasn't really paying attention to whatever the general was saying. He focused on Gwen, her hands flailing and inwardly groaned, he could see from here that she was riling Owen up.

"General," Jack interrupted, "I'm sorry but we've had a rift alert, I will call you straight back."

Jack hung up, ignoring the General's angry retort. He made his way back down to the med bay,

"yes Gwen I am bloody sure that there's nothing I can do to wake him up, stop with the bleeding heart routine, since when do you care? Now trust me on this seeing as I am the doctor here!"

Jack's heart leapt into his mouth as Ianto reared off the table in a gasp rivalling his when he revived after dying and promptly flopped back. Jack ran over, "Jesus Owen what's wrong?"

Owen was checking all his screens, "I don't know Jack, pulse is elevated, blood pressure up, his synaptic functions are off the scale.

The colours on the screen were whirling violently and Tosh whispered, "you said the doctor."

Owen looked at Jack, "god I'm sorry, I didn't think…"

Jack shook his head, "it was an accident, just concentrate on Ianto."

Jack stared as the hub filled the screen. He watched as the team minus him walked through laughing, holding take out coffee cups.

"Jack's gone!" Cried Gwen.

Ianto's face just dropped, he held two coffee cups in his hands, "check the CCTV" he said hoarsely.

Tosh got it up immediately and they watched as Jack went running to the TARDIS.

"Whys he running towards a police box?" Asked Gwen, Jack watched as Ianto's face turned an odd shade of grey.

"Woah!" Exclaimed Owen as the police box disappeared.

"What the hell has happened?" Yelled Gwen, Ianto turned, making his way to the archives, he looked back and said "Jack has found his doctor."

The images came thick and fast now, Ianto in the street double taking at anyone that looked remotely like Jack, he waiting in the hub just in case Jack decided to come back. His listening for the TARDIS sound, playing the CCTV footage over and over again in case he's missed something. Every set of coffees he made, he'd make Jack one too, _just in case_he hissed to Owen one day. His sitting on the roof staring up at the stars, muttering to himself, wondering which one Jack was on. Then came Ianto going through every file relating to the doctor, his arguments with Gwen, Owen sat on his couch, his pushing the food around on his plate, his constant pushing himself to the brink of exhaustion….

Then the images morphed into one. Ianto was running, "Gwen, Owen, Tosh can anyone hear me?" he tapped his comms and swore in welsh at the static in reply. Soon Ianto was at the end of an alleyway, two Weevils blocking his exit. Ianto raised his gun and shot them, spraying them with Weevil spray. The SUV came and Owen bundled the Weevils in without speaking to Ianto and left.

"This is a dream" Owen said, "I don't remember this happening."

Ianto was walking along a deserted road slowly, until he saw the tails of a blue greatcoat swish around a corner, Ianto picked up speed, "Jack?" he called hesitantly, he turned the corner, to see Jack turning another corner, "Jack!" he called, running after him, stopping dead as the TARDIS stood in front of him.

Ianto knocked on the door, "Jack?" he called, the door slightly opened, Ianto hesitated, then poked his head around the door. He watched Jack talk to someone that he couldn't see, "there's nothing here to keep me here, nothing at all…except for you." Jack's eyes widened as he watched himself hug Gwen, "travel with me?" he asked. She replied with a kiss. The door slammed shut, leaving Ianto in the darkness.

It began to rain and Ianto froze as he heard the growling of Weevils, he wheeled around and one bit him, he sank to the ground, holding his neck. The Weevil changed into Lisa, her computerised voice saying that they were not compatible, followed by the cannibal holding a knife to his throat, Daleks screeching exterminate, various blood thirsty aliens, John Hart yelling "eye candy" over and over, Owen shouting "part time shag!", Tosh screaming, "we could've been converted", Gwen and Jack laughing at him whilst kissing each other, Ifan raising his belt.

The images whirled around, switching from one fear to the other, making the team feel sick watching as Ianto just sat in the rain, rocking saying "sorry" over and over again. Weevils loomed above him, "what's the point?" whispered Ianto, not resisting as the Weevil tore into him.

Then the monitors in the med bay went crazy.


	10. Chapter 10 of 12

**Author Notes: Thank you to every one that has reviewed and encouraged me with this story. I hope you like the chapter. **

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by the BBC**

Chapter Ten

"Jack!" Yelled Owen over the noise of the monitors, "he's going into shock." Ianto was trembling, whimpering and moaning, his eyes twitching underneath the lids. "Why?" asked Jack holding Ianto's arm down, so Owen could administer a shot. Owen glanced at the monitors, reams of data coming and threatening to overload the system.

"I think the dreams are coming too fast, too many fears and memories in one, its overloading him, that device must be faulty, his synaptic functions are off the scale!"

"The shot isn't working, he's not calming down!"

Owen didn't know what to do, Ianto's heart was beating dangerously fast, if they couldn't calm him down he was going to have a heart attack, "talk to him, see if that works"

Jack looked scared, "what can I tell him to combat that? What do I say?"

Tosh jumped in, "happy memories, give him happy memories, it should balance it out."

Jack held Ianto's hand, "Ianto listen to me, you need to calm down okay? You're hurting yourself", "so sorry" Ianto's voice echoed from his fears on the screen.

"Don't be sorry, don't be sorry sweetheart, remember some good times okay, like…like when you and Tosh go to the pub and have a good gossip, you guys are so close. I always wonder what you talk about you know? Whether you say anything about us? Or if it's other stuff like films you want to see or talking about work or I don't know."

"His heart is calming down" muttered Owen, scanning Ianto again "keep talking to him."

Ianto's whimpering lessened and the image of a pub came on the screen, Tosh's face over a glass of wine, but she was still talking about being converted, Ianto's face screwed up in agitation, Jack looked up at Owen, fear clearly etched into his face. "Get him off of the bad memories" urged Owen, "he has too many the device is overloading and he can't take it, his heart rate slows when you take his mind off of them. At best he's going to come out of this with a headache, at worst…"

Tosh had tears running down her face, Owen didn't need to finish that sentence, she wanted Ianto back, to take him to the pub and tell dirty jokes and gossip about Owen, Jack and Gwen. She leant over Ianto, "sweetheart, concentrate on the pub, do you remember that joke you told me last time? I laughed so hard that wine came out of my nose? I was so embarrassed, but you just mopped me up, we laughed some more and got absolutely pissed."

Gwen looked up surprised she couldn't imagine Ianto and Tosh getting pissed, they were too quiet. Owen smiled as Ianto's body seemed to calm down, soon enough the images on the screen were of Tosh laughing so hard that wine flew out of her nose, which made Ianto laugh harder. Glasses piled up on the table and then Ianto and Tosh stumbled out, leaning on each other laughing still. But the laughter stopped as Lisa stood in their way. Ianto began to shake again; Tosh looked at Jack in despair.

Jack bent down, "think happy memories" he urged, "think about David and Mica. Think about them they're your family; you took them to the beach didn't you? Concentrate on that."

The colours on the screen showed Ianto with David and Mica on a beach, laughing and playing, making sand castles. It wasn't a particularly lovely day, grey clouds covered the sky but Ianto and the kids were happy. They saw as David and Mica tried to bury Ianto in the sand, so Ianto started to tickle them mercilessly. Jack smiled, he knew Ianto would be good with children and watching him laugh and play reminded Jack of how young Ianto really is, he felt a little bit like a cradle robber.

David jumped up, "last one in the sea is a rotten egg!" The kids jumped up and ran into the sea, Tosh, Owen and Jack grinned widely as Ianto shrieked quite unmanly as the cold water hit his feet, the kids started splashing him and Jack could see that even though he was freezing he was happy. The happiness stopped as Cybermen marched out of the sea, taking Mica and David, Ianto screamed, trying to get them back but the Cybermen repelled him. Ianto's breathing hitched and Owen looked at Jack not knowing what to do.

"Ianto, that didn't happen, the Cybermen have gone now, you had a nice day with the kids, they went home safe, remember? Do you remember telling me Rhiannon got angry 'cause you bought them ice cream and left them with her all hyper? You said it was the advantages of an uncle getting all the good bits of kids. Think about happy times" Jack urged.

The colours swirled again and the Tosh, Owen and Jack were pleased to see that one of Ianto's happy memories was sitting with them laughing and joking over a Chinese, Ianto and Owen in sarcastic banter, whilst Jack pinched bits of Ianto's food. Gwen sourly noted that she was not in this memory, in a moment she'd wished that she hadn't thought that.

They had finished their dinner and wandered off to their various stations, Ianto went to the kitchen to wash up their plates. Elbow deep in suds, Ianto heard footsteps, he chuckled and said "I'll be up in five minutes" he turned around, "Oh Gwen, sorry I thought…"

Gwen looked him up and down with a sneer, "so what, Jack comes back and you let him jump back into bed with you? What does that make you Ianto? It makes you cheap and good for nothing. Stay away from him."

Ianto looked at her shocked and he snorted, "get over yourself Gwen, he doesn't want you please just accept that, don't make this difficult."

Gwen smiled, "well lets see shall we, I'm gonna pop up now and tell him about my engagement, once he sees that he's going to lose me, he'll want me. That's Jack all over, he only wants something when he can't have it."

Ianto's eyes glittered dangerously, "well then lets say that that's true, he won't want you afterwards and then you've lost Rhys, the guy that _loves_ you. Come on Gwen, don't throw that away."

Gwen turned away, "he will want me, 'cause he loves me, not you, he left you." Ianto stood there in the kitchenette, wet hands dripping onto the floor watching Gwen and Jack on the gangway, his face fell when he saw how shocked and upset Jack was. Ianto looked away, "figures" he muttered and resumed washing the dishes.


	11. Chapter 11 of 12

**Author Note: Thank you all so, so much for all the reviews I am glad that you are enjoying the story. **

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by the BBC. **

Chapter Eleven

Jack scowled at Gwen, before returned his attention to Ianto who was still shaking, just not as violently as before. "His pulse is still elevated" muttered Owen, tapping onto a screen.

Jack leant towards Ianto stroking his face, and whispered in his ear, "Ianto I am never leaving again, I am never going to leave _you_ again. Stop thinking about Gwen and the Doctor start thinking about us, some of our good times."

Again the colours swirled quickly and image after image flashed on the screen, some too quick to understand properly but they were all of Ianto and Jack. Jack and Ianto, in a restaurant laughing and chatting, Gwen walking in on them having sex in the hot house and Ianto telling her that Jack always cheats at naked hide and seek, Jack holding him whilst Ianto was making coffee, them sitting on Ianto's couch eating breakfast in their boxers and t-shirts, having sex…in several different locations Tosh noted distractedly…knowing looks and smiles whilst at work, Weevil hunting and passionately kissing in alleyways.

The images began to slow down a little, focusing on specific memories, Jack and Ianto were lying down on a roof, looking up at the stars and Jack was talking about different worlds, his excitement making Ianto smile, Ianto asking if Jack would go back to his own time after discussing Tommy, their passionate kiss as Jack said he wouldn't change anything for the world…

These memories were short and sweet but then Ianto's brain stilled on one. He was watching Gwen hold Jack's hand as he lay dead in the morgue; Gwen checked her watch, looked at Jack longingly and left the morgue. They watched as Ianto waited until she was out of sight and made his way quickly to Jack. He took Jack's hand and frowned as he saw that Gwen had smoothed out Jack's hair in a different style, he ran his fingers through Jack's hair and put it back.

"Much better" he whispered, his face crumpled, "I'm sorry I haven't been to see you, Gwen's refusing to leave, she'll probably be back in a minute. I don't know what to say Jack…I betrayed you…again didn't I? I believed the image of Lisa, over you; maybe you died hating me… I don't understand Jack, I know you can't die…I've known for ages."

Jack's eyebrows shot up, Ianto had known? Ianto attempted a wan smile, "you always said that you couldn't do archives, I found all the files Jack, its weird I know a hundred years of your past and yet I barely know the real you. I didn't say anything, I figured you wanted to keep it a secret, although I nearly told you when I found the pictures of you in the seventies, god sideburns were bad weren't they?"

Jack tried to smile but he felt like he was breaking as Ianto didn't wear his mask and all his emotions were clear to see.

"I always wanted to talk to you though, it must be such a burden living forever and losing people, I…I never imagined that I would lose you." Ianto began to cry, "I can't believe in a god, it's hard to in this job, but I hope you're in a peaceful place, I'm sorry Jack, I'm so sorry!"

Ianto looked up as he heard Gwen returning, he placed a hand on the side on Jack's face, "goodbye Jack" he whispered.

Gwen came in, "what are you doing?" she scowled, pushing Ianto away and began to change Jack's hairstyle again,

"I just didn't want him to be alone" said Ianto, a badly fitting mask on his face,

"well I'm here now" said Gwen, Ianto walked slowly out of the morgue and made his way to Jack's office, he slowly opened the door and stood looking lost. He looked at Jack's coat, his hand faltered on his way to touch it but then he held it in his hands and sank down to the floor sobbing.

Ianto began sobbing on the table, Jack stroking his face muttering in his ear and Tosh stared at Gwen, she couldn't believe that she had missed how awful Gwen treated Ianto. Jack was trying to hold back his tears, "sweetheart I'm back, I'm alive I didn't die…please come back I'll show you all my hideous photos from the seventies, please come back…I need you Ianto, I need you so much."

The colours swirled and showed a bedroom in darkness, bathed in a little moonlight coming in through the blinds. Jack and Ianto were lying in bed together asleep facing each other, but Ianto soon blearily opened his eyes; he smiled as he saw Jack but then frowned as he saw that Jack was whimpering in his sleep. He pulled Jack closer who immediately curled around him snuggling into his chest, his breathing harsh as the nightmare took hold. Ianto tucked Jack's head under his chin, stroking his arm and hair whispering in welsh. Jack smiled, Ianto talking in welsh always calmed him down, he always used a soothing tone and Jack had no idea what he was saying.

The team watched as Jack's breathing calmed down, Ianto still whispering in welsh, stroking his hair. Gwen gasped involuntarily and looked at Ianto in surprise.

Jack knew at once that she understood what Ianto was saying, "Gwen, what is he saying?"

She shook her head, "I don't know."

Owen looked at her, "Gwen we know you can speak welsh you and Ianto used to all the time when Jack was away, now we know you were probably being a bitch but we know you understand him."

Gwen shook her head again, "you can't ask me, it's not fair, why should I have to say it for him? I should be saying it for me!"

Jack was perplexed, "what is it Gwen? Tell me."

Gwen again shook her head, "I can't…it hurts too much and if he wanted you to know he would've told you anyway and there's no point, it's obviously not returned, no point in embarrassing him."

Jack had an inkling at what Gwen was saying but he wasn't sure. "Tosh?"

Tosh's hands were running over a keyboard, "I'm running a translation programme now."

Gwen just stood there looking miserable, she knew that once Jack heard this he was lost to her forever.

Tosh looked over at Jack, "it's a bit private Jack." Jack just looked at her, "we've seen everything that is a secret to him, this can't hurt."

Ianto was still whispering on the screen, "what does cariad mean Tosh? He keeps repeating that" Owen asked, Tosh looked at the screen, "it means sweetheart or loved one."

"What is he saying Tosh?" Jack asked again quietly as the screen blended back into the swirling colours.

Tosh cleared her throat, "don't be scared, it's safe you're here with me, I won't let them hurt you sweetheart. You're safe, you're not there anymore, you're safe sweetheart, I won't let him hurt you. I'll never let that bastard near you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you, I'm sorry for what happened but it's over now, it never happened, we're all alive, you're here with me and I will look after you." Tosh paused, "I love you sweetheart, it doesn't matter that you can't return it, I know it's hard for you to but I will look after you, I will love you, we'll get rid of these nightmares and when I die I'll make sure there's someone to look after you. You will never be alone again; I will never let him hurt you again. Calm down sweetheart please, you're safe, you're home. He won't hurt you ever again."


	12. Chapter 12 of 12

**Author Notes: So here it is the last chapter! I just want to say a massive thank you to everybody that has reviewed. This is my first long fan fic and you guys have encouraged me more than I can say, this has been a great confidence booster. I can't believe the response to the last chapter, I didn't expect to make people cry! So thank you all so, so much. This chapter is quite long but I hope you enjoy it. Thank you again. **

**Disclaimer: Torchwood is owned by the BBC**

Chapter Twelve

As Tosh finished reading the translation, Jack's eyes filled with tears, he looked down at Ianto's tear stained face; he pressed a kiss to his lips and said, "I love you too." Tosh smiled happy for them, Owen was pleased as Ianto's pulse was rapidly returning to normal and Gwen's heart broke.

Jack kept whispering in Ianto's ear, "I love you too, don't think otherwise no matter what other people say, now I need you to forget your bad memories and come back to me, I need you to wake up Ianto please."

Ianto didn't wake up as Jack kissed him lightly, Jack felt foolish this was no fairy tale he couldn't really wake Ianto up with a kiss. But then again…Jack's thoughts centred on that awful night when Lisa was found, Ianto had been unconscious and had woken up with a kiss.

"Ianto? I need you to wake up…please Yan. Forget the bad times, come back to me." Jack's voice broke a little, as he kissed Ianto again, he tried to reach inside himself, imagined that he was passing on a bit of that power that Rose had given him. His immortality had been forced on him out of love, Rose couldn't bear to see him die and he couldn't bear to see Ianto locked in a painful sleep, all because of some malfunctioning technology.

Jack imagined that energy passing from his lips to Ianto's, for a while nothing happened but then there was a slight response. Jack backed a way slightly as a small puff of air brushed against his lips; an almost sleepy pressure had been applied to his own lips. He grinned as he watched Ianto's eyes slowly flutter open, looking around trying to get his bearings.

"Jack? What's wrong?" murmured Ianto.

Before he knew it Jack was dragging him up into a bone crushing hug, he looked around and saw Owen and Tosh's relieved smiles and Gwen crying.

"What happened?"

Jack grabbed Ianto by the face and kissed him; Ianto pulled away after a second, blushed and flickered a look at Gwen, which annoyed Owen.

'I'll check him over, send them home and then rip into Gwen' Owen decided.

Jack pulled Ianto in for another small kiss, "how are you feeling?" he asked quietly, leaning his forehead against Ianto's.

Ianto thought for a second, "okay I suppose…a little tired really" he didn't understand why Tosh, Owen and Jack began to chuckle.

Jack eventually pulled away, his touch lingering as if he was afraid that Ianto would disappear if he let go. Jack nodded as Owen began to check that Ianto was okay, he murmured "be back soon" to Ianto quietly and then turned to head out of the med bay. "Gwen!" he said sharply without looking behind him. Gwen looked at her team mates in slight fear but Tosh and Owen just looked at her with disdain, Ianto with puzzlement.

Jack didn't offer Gwen a seat, so she stood wondering what it exactly Jack was going to do, would he retcon her? Would he see how much she felt for him? Would he choose his lover over her?

"Well?" stated Jack, too angry to look at her so he looked out of his office, down at the med bay where Ianto sat taking painkillers, 'his head must really hurt' thought Jack. His thoughts were confirmed as Owen lowered the lights to help with the migraine that must be coming.

"I don't know what to say Jack. I'm sorry."

Jack wheeled around angrily, "It's not me that you should apologise to!"

Gwen stared down at her feet, "I know" she whispered.

Jack stared wearily down at her, he just wanted to get home and talk to Ianto, he had had enough of the dramatics from Gwen and today's events.

"You are suspended for a month."

Gwen's mouth flew open, "what? You can't do that!"

Jack's eyes flashed in anger, "Yes I can Gwen, you have acted despicably over the last few months."

Gwen interrupted, "yes I let personal feelings get in the way…"

Jack slammed his fist down on the desk, "which is unprofessional and totally uncalled for Gwen! I trusted you! When I came back, I actually _praised_ you for leading the team so well. You betrayed my trust and hurt my team!"

"This is just because its Ianto isn't it Jack?" Gwen retorted. "If it had been Owen…."

"The punishment would be the same." Snarled Jack. "I do not favour any of my team, just because I happen to be in a relationship with Ianto does not mean that you're bullying for want of a better word is allowed! You think this is favouritism? If anything I have treated you as a favourite, you throw your weight around her something chronic and get away with everything. For comments like that your suspension goes to six weeks."

"But-"

"I don't want to hear it Gwen. You treated a team mate badly, expecting him to do all your work and then get praise for it yourself. You wouldn't let the man grieve over me even though you _knew_ that we're together. You had to take the attention away, act like a grieving widow whilst Rhys was at home and Ianto was forced to stay away!"

"He could've stayed" Gwen said petulantly.

"No he couldn't Gwen he's a private man! Jesus have you learnt nothing about him today?"

Gwen bit her lip, "but I brought you back. You _thanked_ me!"

Jack shook his head, "I just thanked whatever brought me back Gwen, so I could still be here with you all. You can't bring back people with kisses Gwen, life isn't a fairy tale." Internally he had to smile thinking about his own thoughts just a few minutes ago.

Gwen began to cry, "I can't not be here for six weeks, you need me."

Jack shook his head, "we will manage without you and if I'm honest I need a break from you too. You constantly use me against Ianto and that is not on. We're happy Gwen don't fuck with our happiness because you're not happy with your life."

Gwen stood and tried to physically stop her sobs by kneading her chest with her fist, "but I love you."

Jack shook his head harshly, "no you don't, if you did you'd leave Ianto alone. You have acted in the most petty, immature and disgusting way possible these last few months and Ianto _protected _you and didn't say a word about your behaviour! You even risked his life today!"

"What?" snapped Gwen.

"You deliberately made that machine delve into Ianto's memories of the cannibals, Jesus Gwen he nearly had a heart attack! What could have happened if those memories had surfaced properly? What if I hadn't calmed him down? So for that Gwen Cooper you are on six weeks unpaid suspension, I do not what to see or hear from you until then. Got it?"

Gwen's sobs of self pity rang through the hub and Ianto stared at Owen in the dim lighting, who was scanning his body.

"What happened?" Owen looked up and smiled what he hoped was a reassuring smile, which in truth scared Ianto that little bit more.

"Jack will explain, needless to say we found you collapsed in the archives, Jack had found you on CCTV…being stalkerish as usual." Ianto smiled, sarcastic Owen he could deal with, friendly Owen was a little too odd for him at time, although they had grown closer these last few months.

"Anyway it put pressure on your heart so for the next few days I only want you on light duties okay?" He finished his scan and passed Ianto some pills, "these will help with you headache", Ianto winced as the cog wheel alarm went off signalling Gwen's leaving.

Jack made his way down the stairs, both his and Ianto's coats in their hands. "Can we go home now?" he asked, Ianto looked a little surprised, since when was his flat home to Jack?

Owen nodded, "nothing too energetic tonight guys, give his heart a rest." Ianto flushed a little as Jack just grinned, knowing that internally Owen was thinking about that memory he had seen. Just a few seconds later Owen flushed and Jack couldn't help but chuckle. Owen looked away and Ianto wondered what on earth was going on.

Jack helped him slip on his coat and as he got off the table, Tosh hugged him around the middle, "I'm glad that you're better Ianto." Ianto smiled and patted Tosh's back for a second before they parted; Ianto frowned slightly as he saw a shadow of sadness pass through Tosh's eyes. Why did he get the feeling that those words meant more than the obvious? She grinned, "pub lunch tomorrow?" Ianto tried to ignore the sense of foreboding in his stomach, what had caused her to look at him like that? "Sure" he nodded, smiled and then left the hub with Jack.

Later that night Ianto lay curled up to Jack on the sofa as Jack explained what the device was. Ianto was a little scared, "so…what came up?" he asked quietly. Jack held him closer, stroking Ianto's hair slightly to ward off the headache.

"Canary Wharf, Lisa, cannibals…" Ianto nodded slightly, "your dad."

Ianto froze; he looked at Jack, "what about my dad?"

Jack swallowed a little, "that he used to hit you and your mum." Ianto grimaced and pulled away, "you weren't meant to know that."

He hugged his knees, "what else?"

"We saw you propose to Lisa." Ianto smiled softly, "we saw you take David and Mica to the beach, us all in the hub laughing and joking, you and Tosh in the pub…" Jack didn't want to mention that these memories were marred by his nightmares. "You and me having sex."

Ianto groaned, embarrassed to his very core, he banged his head on his knees and winced as his headache grew. "Owen will never let that go."

Jack smiled, pulling Ianto closer, rubbing his head again, "I think he was impressed"

Ianto raised an eyebrow. Jack looked at Ianto, "we saw a new side to Gwen." Ianto closed his eyes, "we saw how awful she was to you when I left and when I got back. Ianto I need you to know I have _no_ feelings for her. I don't want her at all, I want you." Ianto smiled a little and settled back into their hug. "We saw a new side to Owen too, when he came round when I was away, making you eat and looking out for you. I owe him a lot"

Ianto just shrugged "It's my fault I got myself in such a mess."

Jack tightened his grip on Ianto, "no Ianto, Owen was right I don't deserve you. I need you to know that I won't be going away again." Jack moved so that he and Ianto were face to face.

"What else?" asked Ianto sensing that Jack was building up to something.

"Rhiannon asking about who this guy her friend saw you with was, the one that looked like a film star." Jack grinned a little and Ianto flushed as he remembered how he answered her. "And there was another one, where you were talking to me in welsh when I was having a nightmare." If possible Ianto went redder; Jack got closer, "Tosh translated it."

Ianto refused to look into his eyes, "you shouldn't have translated it."

Jack gently touched his face, "I know, but I've always wanted to know what you say. I'm sorry everybody saw it all Ianto, but we had to watch, so we could talk you through the bad memories, help you deal with them."

Ianto nodded dumbly, he knew that it had to be done, but he felt strangely invaded. Everybody had their secrets and now they knew all of his.

Jack frowned; he saw that Ianto was upset and embarrassed. He lifted Ianto's chin so he would look at him. "Something good came out of this though Yan."

Ianto met his gaze, "yeah?" he murmured.

"I realised that I need to tell you something Ianto…I thought that you knew but…but maybe I haven't been obvious. I love you, there's no one else for me."

Ianto looked into Jack's eyes and murmured "I love you too" before kissing Jack softly.

Later that night Ianto watched Jack sleep with a smile on his face. Jack was snoring slightly, his arm wrapped around Ianto's waist, pulling them close together. Although it was embarrassing what had happened, for people to see his darkest fears, he was glad that this had come out of it. He had good friends and they out of all knew the horrors of Torchwood and Ianto knew that they too had similar nightmares. He was glad that Gwen had finally learnt to stop fawning over Jack, hopefully their professional relationship could get better, he doubted that they could ever be close.

Ianto sighed as he thought of his dad; he hadn't thought about him for years, he had wiped his records so Owen would never know that his father had broken his leg one day. But strangely he didn't feel angry anymore, he realised that he had moved on, perhaps the device had worked after all. Just before he fell asleep Ianto smiled he could finally let go of all the horrors in his past and look forward to the future. A future full of happiness, contentment and Jack.


End file.
